Saturday, February 04, 2006

Why Do I Love Jon Stewart?

"We don't torture, we freedom tickle." And that's why I love Jon Stewart.
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thought you might find some of this funny, since you had some manhood and all... ;)

Rules of Manhood

01.) Under no circumstances may two men share
an umbrella.

02.) It is ok for a man to cry under the
following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts
unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss's car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The
Crying Game".


03.) Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor
party may be legally killed
and eaten by his buddies.

04.) Unless he murdered someone in your
family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.

05.) If you've known a guy for more than 24
hours, his sister is off limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.

06.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a
buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However, complain at will if the temperature
is unsuitable.

07.) No man shall ever be required to buy a
birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's
birthday is strictly optional.

08.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder
determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

09.) When stumbling upon other guys watching a
sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may
never ask who's playing.

10.) You may flatulate in front of a woman
only after you have brought her
to climax. If you trap her head under the
covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.

11.) It is permissible to drink a fruity
alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's
delivered by a topless supermodel
. and it's free.

12.) Only in situations of moral and/or
physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.

13.) Unless you're in prison, never fight
naked.

14.) Friends don't let friends wear
Speedos.....Ever. Issue closed.

15.) If a man's fly is down, that's his
problem, you didn't see anything.

16.) Women who claim they "love to watch
sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game
and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.

17.) A man in the company of a hot,
suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.

18.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer
or the last slice of pizza,
but not both, that's just greedy.

19.) If you compliment a guy on his six-pack,
you'd better be talking about
his choice of beer.

20.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in
discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's wthholding sex pending your
response.

21.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to
another man while lifting
weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22.) Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless
you are on equal footing,
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line,
etc. For all other situations,
an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.

23.) Never allow a telephone conversation with
a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a
stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

24.) The morning after you and a girl who was
formerly "just a friend"
have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that
you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each
other again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was
occurs.

25.) It is acceptable for you to drive her
car. It is not acceptable for her
to drive yours.

26.) Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of
brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.

27.) The girl who replies to the question
"What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I
want!" gets an X-box. End of story.

28.) There is no reason for guys to watch Ice
Skating or Men's
Gymnastics.....Ever!

February 08, 2006 8:19 AM

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