Happy Now

I found this online and it instantly cheered me up. Why? Dunno. Not really the point is it? :-) It just made me laugh.


Q. You're about to have a huge wedding when you get cold feet. What's your strategy for evading all obligations?


A. You never want to remain "just friends". I like to break it off in style. I'd go watch an Abrahams/Zucker brothers movie and bikemessenger my standard "So you've been dumped" relationship exit form & S.A.S.E.:

1. How was I?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

2. How were my carpet cleaning skills?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

3. Tell me something kinky that you would have done if I'd asked? (Don't say anal, because you already told me that).
________________

4. Did you know that I still masturbated while we were going out?
Yes SuspectedWithCause SuspectedWithoutCause No

5. (Re: question #4: A LOT!) Can I still be friends with your mom? I like her. Not in a creepy way.
Yes No

6. Did I ever find your clitoris?
EveryTime MostOfTheTime Sometimes Never

7. What are my three most endearing traits?
a)____________
b)____________
c)____________

8. Name the three things you hated most about me. Be honest. It will satiate your cruel streak, and I'll get constructive information out of it:
a)____________
b)____________
c)____________

9. I don't like your friends. You might want to consider finding some new ones, especially __________ and that skank _____________. That's not really a question; I just thought I would put that out there.

10. I hope you get adult cooties. Again, not really a question.


Please return this form in the envelope attached. You can keep my: ___________, _____________, and ______________, but please return my __________, ____________, ____________, and ___________ by ___________ber ___th, 20__. If any of the previously mentioned items fit in the envelope, please include them. If any of my stuff turns up on eBay (especially __________), expect to hear from the law offices of Holden, Edwards & Edwards. If they don't win, I don't have to pay, so they're pretty motivated.

I never loved you, that's why I never said it,
mokodc