Wedding Blahs Update

I'm feeling a bit perkier now because I trotted on down to my favourite hair salon (yes it's in Duncan and yes, I'm going to keep going there forever! they're so good!) and they squeezed me in for a haircut and some sweet waxing action. Too much information? Perhaps. Whatever. I had to have my Magnum P.I. moustache dealt with because well, that might have been a good look for Tom Selleck in the 80s but I'm a...00s girl? That 00s thing didn't work out so well. But you get my drift. So now my hair is cute (except for the lip hair which is gone) and I'm ready to rock (or should I say RAWK!?) the wedding in my hideous librarian outfit. Woo hoo! Oh yeah. Imagine some fist pumping action right here. Why does everything I type today sound dirty when I read it to myself? Maybe it's just me. And my hot rockstar hair. :-) And now I'm off to slap some dye on that puppy. I so hate weddings. :-)

Weddings...bah!

So my cousin's getting married on Friday and we're going. Which is good. I'm looking forward to it because I anticipate swankiness and dizzy making beverages and that's never a bad thing. Well, sometimes it is but I prefer not to dwell on the negative. That said, let's do some negative dwelling on my horrifying outfit. I can't even call it an ensemble because that would be giving it delusions of grandeur. The top is lovely. Seriously. It's a delightful seafoam green silk thingy with ribbons and a little bit of lace on the neckline and it's just so not me. Which is okay. Weddings aren't for being yourself. But do you think I could find a lovely skirt to go with the damn thing? No. Nope. No way. No how. So what did I buy? Three guesses my friends...if you guessed a flirty black swishy type skirt you're wrong. It's black, and it's a skirt but it sucks ass! It's so boring I could barf. I look like a spinster librarian. I should just slap some horn rim glasses on and call it a day. And not even a naughty librarian. Bah. And the cute sparkly shoes that I wanted to make it more fun totally didn't fit properly so now I have to wear my favourite gray heels which are sexy and delicious but so not party shoes. And then there were these other shoes that were the same colour as my lovely shirt but I can't afford them because they're retardedly expensive and now I'm sad. Do you see what weddings do? Do you see?! Does anyone remember my sparkly monstrosity of a wedding dress? How about the bridesmaids dresses?! Gah! I'm not even involved in this wedding and I've lost my mind.

Thank god that's over.

Well, the tenseness and vomit-y feelings have finally passed and I can now talk about it without fear of the jinxing. I applied last week for a teaching position at Malaspina University-College in tne Media Studies/Digital Media Technologies department. And I got it. Sort of. It's a mixed blessing kind of thing really. I didn't get the position I applied for because I do not as of yet have my masters degree but I did get 2 classes in January. Which is a good foot in the door and I'm pretty excited about it. My excitement is a little clouded with disappointment about not getting the exact position I was hoping for but given my inexperience and lack of credentials I'm feeling pretty fortunate to have been given the opportunity for the 2 classes I did get. So now I'm putting together my grad school applications and looking around at different programs. It'll have to be a low residency program because I lack the funds to stop working while I study and I hope to be teaching at MUC as I get my degree so...yeah. Give me a couple of days to get over my funk and I'll be quite gung ho about the whole thing.

Speaking of the funk...I've been in one for quite some time now and I feel I should apologize to those of you I may have been neglecting over the course of things. I don't know if it's the impending divorce or my uncertain financial situation or maybe just the overall transient nature of my existence catching up to me now that I'm finally standing still but I'm a little wiggy. I think I may have turned a corner though. I feel the weight on my shoulders lifting a little and the furrowing of my brow...unfurrowing? And I've been coming out of my self imposed exile a little. Testing the waters. And the waters are surprisingly warm. I went out to a friend's house for some sweet bbq action on Wednesday which was nice. And then last night I drove to Nanaimo to ambush a friend (which was maybe not the most shining example of good judgement I've even put forth but c'est la vie) and then went for dinner with a new friend afterwards which perked me up. Martinis and sushi. Yum. So now my outlook is a little rosier and I can see how things might be on the up. But lets leave it at that because I don't want to jinx it. :-)

Isn't it amazing how a good nights sleep, a bright and sunny morning and a leisurely breakfast can make everything seem a whole lot better?

Kisses to you all (because it's just that kind of day)!

Arrrhghskoajsojndfnuisbgsugbskdjbh!

I'm still waiting to hear back about the scariest interview ever which if successful will result in me having the scariest job ever. And it's tense. Really tense. My hair is frizzing! It does that when I'm tense. You should've seen me at the interview! It looked like somebody took a balloon to the top of my head. Crazy. But I should know soon so I guess I can dig it. What else? Hmmm...I've been keeping to myself a little lately. I seem to be going through this phase where I say really stupid things to the people I'm closest to (well, one in particular) and it's just no good. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm just not fit for human consumption. Okay, maybe I'm not keeping to myself quite as much as I should be because I went out with some friends from work on Saturday and got...um, I believe the technical term for it might be plastered. Or wasted. If you want to me all high school about it. I'll just leave out the details and suffice it to say, I'm never drinking again. Never. Ever. Nope. No way. I do wickedly stupid things when I drink. And those of you who know me well can vouch for that. And after Saturday so can a whole lot of people who barely know me at all. Woo hoo. At least there was no flashing or streaking involved. Thank god for small miracles. My question for you guys is where were Virve, Marla and Shae when I needed them?! Bah!

Spiders, accidents and other ass-sucking things

Well my friends, today was absolutely craptastic. Crap-tas-tic. Bright and early this morning my lovely little dog herein known as Ratface took serious offence to the couch that was donated to the charity that is me yesterday and peed on it. Alot. Which is actually not such a bad thing because it smells really awful already and it is filled with spider webs (we all know how much I love spiders), pine needles and other tasty bits. Not to mention the mildew. But I guess I just did mention it didn't I? Anyway, Ratface peed on the nasty couch. Then I hopped in the car to go to work, and promptly realised I forgot my shoes and had to make the Fred turn around and go back. A popular decision I must say. And then at work there was badness. And then I dropped a HUGE glass of 7-Up all down the back of one of my customers. And when I say all down her back I mean ALL down her back. And side. And a little of her front. And her bag. And jacket. It was beautiful. On the up side, she and her whole family of 10 were really, really nice about the whole thing and left me a lovely tip. So it turned out alright but oh the stress. I felt like such a retard. You'd think I'd be used to that by now but apparently not. So that was my day. Woo hoo! And now I'm quickly checking my email (none, in case you were wondering) and then it's back to my hovel with the scary spider-ridden smelly couch for more organizing and de-stinkifying. Okay bye.

New Apartment

So I've found myself an apartment. But guess what?! It's in Duncan. I know. But before you all choke to death on your own laughter let me just say, shut up. I'm going to level with you all. The truth is, I'm a bit of a mess right now. I haven't really been dealing with everything I should've been dealing with for the past few months. Instead I've been hanging out, trying to have a good time and forget about it. And now, it's kind of all catching up with me and I don't really know what I want to do with myself or where I want to do it. So, for the first time in pretty much ever, I'm not going to run off somewhere to distract myself. I'm just going to stay put until I actually have a plan. I don't know how long that'll be and right now I just don't care. I have an apartment that I really like. It's not so new, and not so swank but I love it. It's got two bedrooms (one for me and one for Lilo), hardwood floors(no carpeting! yay!), so much light it's ridiculous (for those of you who don't know, I have a thing for natural light that borders on the compulsive), and the most retardedly retro little kitchen ever. And I dig it. And it has space for me to paint and a little outdoor courtyard for Lilo to play in. And I can almost afford it. And that's enough for now. And the overall Angeness of it is really unparalelled. I'll send pictures soon.

As for Duncan...well, it has 2 Starbucks within walking distance of my place, a little restaurant that has the best sangria and baked brie ever and a whole lot of totem poles. And who doesn't love totem poles? Deciding to stay here kind of snuck up on me too but I'm happy about it for now. I just want some time to myself to paint and read and work on my stupid portfolio and just de-stressify before I make any more changes. So there you have it. Feel free to have a chuckle about the whole Duncanness of my situation but also, please feel free to keep it to yourselves for now. I'll let you all know when it's safe to mock. :-)

Kisses,
Ange.

Music Is Also Good.

I was going to post about this the other day but I forgot. Probably because I was thinking about why the caged bird sings or some such crap (either that or staring at my glittery toenail polish - man do I dig the sparklies) but I've remembered now so it's all good. I bought this cd on a whim the other day (I was loitering about the record store and somebody put it on) and it's fantastic and brings me much joy so I thought I should share. Because who doesn't like musical goodness? Probably the same people who don't like smurfs. Commies obviously. Maybe the germans (kidding. sort of.). But anyway, here's the link to the site.

http://www.spoontheband.com/site.html

I currently love track 3. Just so you know.

I'm So Deep

Someone asked me the other day if I believed in fate and it got me thinking. Big surprise there. Me? Sitting on my deflated air mattress with my ridiculously oversized headphones thinking? No! Shocking! Anyway, moving on...I guess I do believe in fate. I mean, I think that there is a path that each of us follow through life and I picture it as kind of strands. There are all these strands flowing in the same general direction but then every so often they come together and then split apart again and it's the spots where they come together that are the bits that make me think of fate.

The thing is, I don't know if I believe that we are all predestined to live specific lives by some mysterious outside force. I mean, I don't know that we're not, but I'm just not entirely sure that we are. Or if that even matters. I wonder sometimes if this thing that we call fate isn't really something we do to ourselves. If I think back to all the things I've wanted over the course of my life, (and I mean real things, not the entire smurf village - mushroom houses and all that I've wanted that since I was 8 and man, I still do - that would be so cool - who wouldn't love a smurf village of their very own?) but the big things like career, travel, lifestyle and whatnot there seems to be a pattern. When I was in high school I wanted to be a designer. Then when I went to college I focused on english, writing and history for my first year. I had no desire to be a designer anymore, I wanted to be a teacher. Then I missed making art so I switched to fine arts. Which apparently I wasn't cut out for (who knew?) so I took another year off and the next year I entered the graphic design program. The only reason I even thought to apply was because the head of the department was a regular renter at the video store my boyfriend worked at and they somehow got to talking about me and voila. And that seems to me to be one of those places where all the strands came together. I could've followed that dream right out of high school but I chose what I thought was a very different direction and yet I ended up in the exact place I wanted to be without even knowing it. And all of the detours I took along the way made it better when I finally got there because I brought alot more to the experience than I could have before. And then I got my design degree and my web diploma and went to work as a designer and it wasn't really what I was looking for. So I fled the country and worked as an english teacher in Japan and it gelled again. I definitely do want to be a teacher. But being in Japan wasn't the right place or the right subject matter and it made me sad to realise what I wanted when I was in no position to get it but it seemed like a reasonable trade off for the life that Kohsuke and I were building. And then it all fell apart and I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore. And when I came back to Canada a lot of things just fell into place and now I feel like I'm back on track again. I know what I want now. The strands have met up again. So you see, is it fate? Or is it just that my subconscious decision making process is much more astute than my conscious one?

It's the same for relationships. There are some people in life that no matter how hard I try to push them away or change the dynamic between us, it always comes back full circle. I don't know if it's that there is a plan for us all and we have no say in it or if we somehow see something in other people that we recognise and need to have in our lives without really knowing it. I mean, sometimes it seems obvious when you meet someone and there's that instant spark and you just have to spend every minute you possibly can with that person because they're just so compelling but that's not what I'm talking about now. Those people are great but what I'm thinking of is the people who may not have come into your life with any fanfare or sparks or whatever but somehow end up being a part of the very foundation of who you are without you even realising it. Those people make me believe in fate. It's the strand thing again.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense and I'm not entirely convinced that it even matters but I have a lot of alone time these days and this is what comes of that. Well, that and alot of weird mixed cds and toenail painting. A girl's got to have variety in her recreation. And since I still don't have that smurf village I've been craving...we all have to compromise. :-)

Barf Watch 2005

Still nervous, but no barfing so far. I'll keep you posted. :-)

Find a Happy Place...

Oh my god. I just applied for the scariest job and I'm so nervous I think I may barf.