Nicely Done...

Awkward moments abound in penis pump trial

By SHAUN SCHAFER, Associated Press WriterWed Jun 28, 2:32 PM ET

Serving on the jury in an indecent-exposure trial unfolding in this conservative Oklahoma town has been a giggle-inducing experience.

Former Judge Donald D. Thompson, a veteran of 23 years on the bench, is on trial on charges he used a penis pump on himself in the courtroom while sitting in judgment of others.

Over the past few days, the jurors have watched a defense attorney and a prosecutor pantomime masturbation. A doctor has lectured on the lengths the defendant was willing to go to enhance his sexual performance.

The white-handled sexual device sits before the jury box for hours at a time. Occasionally an attorney picks it up and squeezes the handle, demonstrating the "sh-sh" sound of air rushing through the contraption's plastic tubing.

The jurors sometimes exchange awkward looks and break into nervous laughter when the testimony takes a lurid turn.

Thompson, 59, is charged with four counts of indecent exposure, each punishable by up to 10 years in prison. If convicted, he would also have to register as a sex offender, and his $7,489.91-a-month pension would be in jeopardy.

Thompson's former court reporter, Lisa Foster, wiped away tears as she described tracing an unfamiliar "sh-sh" in the courtroom to her boss. She testified that between 2001 and 2003 she saw Thompson expose himself at least 15 times.

"I was really shocked and I was kind of scared because it was so bizarre," said Foster.

She testified that during a trial in 2002, she heard the pump during the emotional testimony of a murdered toddler's grandfather.

The grandfather "was getting real teary-eyed, and the judge was up there pumping on that pump," she said. "It was sickening."

The allegations came to light after a police officer who was in Thompson's court heard pumping sounds and took photos of the device during a break in the proceedings.

Thompson took the stand in his own defense, saying the device was a gag gift from a longtime friend with whom he had joked about erectile dysfunction. He said he kept the pump under the bench or in his office but didn't use it.

"In 20-20 hindsight, I should have thrown it away," he said.

The R-rated testimony has produced occasional outbursts of laughter and surreal scenes. A man who once served as a juror in Thompson's court testified that he never saw the device, but figured out what it was based on movies he had seen.

The comment sent sidelong glances through the courtroom.

"It sounded like a penis pump to me," Daniel Greenwood testified. He said he had seen such devices in "Austin Powers" and "Dead Man on Campus."

Dr. S. Edward Dakil, a urologist called as an expert witness, repeatedly prompted laughter from the jury when discussion turned to the penis pump. Dakil defended use of the device after defense attorney Clark Brewster said it was an out-of-date treatment for erectile dysfunction.

"I still use those," Dakil testified.

Brewster paused.

"Not you, personally?" he asked.

"No," Dakil responded as jurors laughed. "I recommend those as a urologist."

Conda?

I just found a listing for someone with the last name Conda in Brampton. I should marry that guy. Then my name would be...oh yeah. Ange Conda. Tee hee.

Flour Farm?!

So I was supposed to be working which of course means I was searching the internet for useless info about...pretty much whatever popped into my head. And I found out that my last name means "flour farm." How retarded is that? Flour. Farm. Woo hoo. I'm so making up a new name and changing it to that. Either that or I'm going to pick a really sweet last name and then find myself a husband who has it. Strategic planning. I'm all over it.

Very Important News. Like Seriously.

Britney Bares All

By Sarah Hall1 hour, 18 minutes ago

Apparently, Britney Spears is out to prove she's not a girl and very much a woman.

Just days after baring her soul on Dateline, the pregnant pop tart is taking a page out of Demi Moore's playbook and baring, well, everything else, for the cover of the August issue of Harper's Bazaar.

The magazine confirmed Wednesday that Spears posed in the nude for the cover and an accompanying feature story and photo spread at a shoot on Thursday.

Unfortunately for Harper's, said photos leaked onto the Internet shortly after the conclusion of the shoot and were available on various Websites as of Wednesday afternoon.

In the images, a newly dark-haired Spears strikes various poses in all her six-months-pregnant glory, sometimes clothed, sometimes not.

A naked Sean Preston makes a cameo in one of the photos, clutched in his mother's arms. A naked Kevin Federline, thankfully, did not make the cut.

After the leak, Harper's released the cover shot for publicity purposes, but informed the non-Internet-using segment of its readership that it would have to wait until the issue hit stands on July 25 to view the rest of the spread.

Spears', shall we say, artsy cover girl stint comes after the singer was reportedly shocked by the negative reaction to her recent tearful Dateline confessional.

In a poll conducted by Us Weekly, 87 percent of respondents said they had less respect for Spears after her sitdown with Matt Lauer. Meanwhile, the New York Post reported that the NBC crew filming the interview was so startled by Spears' disheveled appearance when they arrived that they thought they had the wrong day.

As a result of the backlash, Spears apparently decided to prove that with the help of a little airbrushing, she can be the same Britney we once knew and loved. Except, you know, pregnant.

Meanwhile, according to a report in In Touch Weekly, Spears is considering returning to her roots--and not just the brunette ones. The magazine claims that the Louisiana native is considering moving back home to the town of Kentwood, where she was born.

"She wants to come home," Kentwood Mayor Harold Smith told the magazine. "She's building more rooms for her growing family. She wants a nursery and some kids' rooms."

The magazine claims that Federline is supportive of his wife's wishes, though there's no telling how the move could affect his quest to save the penny.

The couple is expecting their second child together, and Federline's fourth overall, in October.

Mighty Suspicious...

Here's a random picture of me and a crazy bear in the Redwood forest. I'm not sure exactly why I was so suspicious of the bear. I'm pretty sure it must've been the mustache.

I Totally Like Stuff. Seriously.

Here is a list of things I'm really stoked on right now because more often than not these days I'm a bit of a bitch who seems to hate everything and that's just not the case. I swear.

The doglet. She rocks with the kisses and the wiggling and the whatnot.

Water. It's really hot and I'm really thirsty and I filled up my evian bottle with the flip-top head and man, is that some good shit.

My new computer bag. $5. That's right. It's gray and it has a little tag on it that says Bitch. And the guy threw in this inner protective case what says "Joyful Impression. We produce it for whole human beings." That's right. Whole human beings.

The tv show Numbers. It's got the really cute guy from Northern Exposure who played the doctor (yes, I do remember his character's name but I can't spell it) Rob Morrow and some other really dorky guy who I'm now in love with because I love dorks, who plays his brother. It's not the best show ever but it's on dvd and I like it.

Marla and Adam. They're great. Even though they have that whole ring thing going on. Bitches. :-)

My rice cooker. All winter (it was a christmas present) it just sat there. Pining for whatever it is that rice cookers pine for when they're bored and unfulfilled. And now that it's damn hot and retarded out I'm a rice cooking machine! Well actually, it's the rice cooking machine but whatever. I love it.

My car. It gets me where I want to go. And sometimes where I don't want to go but feel somehow that I have to. You know how it is. Good little car. Red.

My hot pink toenails. It may seem as though I'm just scraping the bottom of the barrel for things I'm stoked on but I'm serious. It's been what, 2 weeks since my pedicure and they're still hot.

I am however going to stop there. Because it's hot and I still have a couple of episodes of Numbers to watch (I totally forgot!) so yeah. Screw you guys. I'm going back to the couch! :-)

It Looks Like a Nipple...

But it's not. It's a burn. BURN! Tee hee. But seriously, I was working yesterday (as I do) minding my own business, slinging de pannekoeken...(I'm so overdoing it now) and as I do when I'm in the groove (the pannekoek groove) I was carrying 3 plates at a time. Sometimes I go for 4. I'm just good that way (Leeanne can sometimes carry 5 but she's been a waitress for a long time...she's like the Yoda of the serving world) and it's fantastic. Truly. But not me. Not yesterday. Nope. No way. The plate that I had balanced on my left forearm (I have wicked strong forearms now) totally burned my arm creating a freakish nipplesque blister just below where my sleeve ends for the whole world to see (and obviously fantasize over...the perverts!). It was distressing. But now everybody at work talks about my freakish tolerance for pain. I walked all the way across the restaurant with my flesh being seared, smoke billowing everywhere (slight exaggeration, only slight mind you) and calmly placed the meals down in front of the customers, asked them if there was anything I could get for them and walked away. Wimpering only slightly. I even managed to threaten to set one of them (the customers) on fire. Worked it right into the conversation. I am a machine.



And then I saw a little mini train (with tracks and a whistle and scary circus music and everything) on the side of the road. It was great. There were also flowers.



And then I bought a computer bag that's super swanky and says bitch on it (it's the brand but so fitting) from a garage sale for $5. So all is now right with my world. Oh, and I got to put a butterfly bandage on the burn because it was grossing out the customers (except the pervs of course) and I drew antennae and flying marks around the wings which made me feel super cool. Overall I rate the day as a woo hoo!

Yep. I'm SO Lovely!

It's actually retarded how lovely I am. It's true. I've often thought to myself that I'd really reached the pinnacle of loveliness here in my 30s. And now I have proof! The other day a funny little hippy guy left this for me on his table at the restaurant. It was cute. I'm just so lovely. FINALLY somebody else noticed! :-)

Okay, so he can't spell...it's still cute.

Funny.

I was in a kind of sad, bummed out mood today and then I went to pick up the doglet from my parents place on my way home and at one point she so completely spazzed out that she ran headlong into the glass door of their stereo cabinet trying to get at me (she was either trying to kiss me or rip my face off...it's really hard to tell sometimes) and I laughed like I've never laughed before. Okay, maybe that's not entirely true since I am prone to fits. But it was some pretty good laughing nonetheless. And then from that point on she kept trying to sneak up and pounce me but as soon as I'd move she'd jump away. Apparently the whole incident was entirely my fault. I can deal with that.

This has nothing to do with this pic. I just saw it and it also made me laugh a little so I stole it.

Communication Breakdown.

I have nothing to say at the moment but am feeling oddly communicate-y so here are a couple of drawings I did about a zillion years ago. Apparently I should really get out more. But then again, I live in Duncan so really, where am I gonna go?

Just to let you know, the top one looks a little...fuzzy...because I lived in an apartment building in Calgary where there was a big fire and these drawings were on the wall and got a little smoke damaged. The top on was the worst of the two. It was sad.

Hug?

This so made me laugh. So I promptly stole it. Because that's just the kind of girl that I am.

No Phone...

Just in case you don't know (which you probably don't because my phone died before I could tell more than a couple of people) I have no phone. Well, okay, that's not true in the strictest sense because I do physically have a phone. It's shiny and black and I love it but it's just not of the most use to me at this time. Because I'm a dumbass. Shut up. All of you. I went to Vancouver to see the Marla and her GIANT engagement ring (and the Adam too I suppose :-)) and I was having so much trouble seeing after the continual blinding of my eyes from the reflection off her monster rock that I forgot to pack my charger up when I left. I shit you not. The diamonds are actually THAT big. And yes, that was diamond-S. Plural. Bitch. Not that I'm jealous...;-) So I don't have a phone. For now. I'm having some withdrawl issues but I'm sure I'll be alright. And it may even be a good thing. Because now maybe I'll stop obsessing over the damn thing. And that would be grand. So there you go. No phone. Okay bye.

* I would've posted a picture of the giant rock but they're on my phone.

I Am in Love With This Survey.

If you opened it, you have to do it. (when you're done, add another subject to answer...)

Two Names You Go By:
1. Ange
2. Mouse (short for Angie-Mouse)

Two Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Danish
2. English

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Jeans
2. Girly white cotton blouse with sparkles that totally doesn't suit me at all but I love it anyway. Or maybe that's why I love it...either way, it's great.

Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. Trust
2. A lot of good sex (and by alot I mean heaps and heaps) and affection.

Two Things You Want Really Badly At The Moment:
1. A vacation
2. Someone whose chest I can curl up on at the end of the day who will pet my hair and give me kisses until I fall asleep. Or get annoyed and tell them to fuck off and stop petting my goddamn hair. Whichever comes first. :-)

Two pets you had/have:
1. Lilo the doglet of doom.
2. Greebo the fat bitch ass cat.

Two people you want to fill this out:
1. the Senor
2. Virve

Two things you did last night:
1. Cried like the sissy that I am (no teaching job in the fall = sad, broke, sleep-deprived, working a zillion hours a week while going to grad school Angela)
2. Had dinner with one of my best friends.

Two People that live in your house:
1. Me
2. Lilo the doglet of love (her title fluctuates with her mood - or mine).

Two things you ate today:
1. Chicken burger at work
2. Leftover wrap from last night

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. the Momma
2. the attendant in the parkade near my work. He let me out for free. It was both unexpected and fantastic!

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Working
2. Dinner with the Momma and Fred

Two longest car rides:
1. Road trip to San Francisco with the Senor
2. Drive to Calgary with Clint (ex-boyfriend years ago - it wasn't actually all that long but it seemed like FOREVER)

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Halloween
2. Christmas Eve (everything seems so sparkly and happy and filled with possibility and anticipation).

Two favorite Alcoholic beverages:
1. Beer
2. It fluctuates. I like strawberry margaritas, blackberry or raspberry martinis, sinapore slings, and a good tequila sunrise. I also have an unhealthy affection for anything with grenadine. Mmm...grenadine...

Two Things You Can't Live Without:
1. Music
2. Friends

Two favorite foods:
1. Sushi
2. Fresh strawberries, still warm from the sun.

Two favorite CD's at the moment:
1. the super cool cd my friend Dave made for me.
2. the "fun mix" on my nano. It's not really a cd but it could be. I'm also awfully fond of the soundtrack to Garden State. These are not cool answers I know, but they're mine so nyaaah! (I would've said the cd that Tom made me but he would've had to take it out of the truck to do that and he's too busy rocking out). :-)

Two Favorite Colors:
1. Red (or sometimes pink)
2. Black

Two favorite books:
1. Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut (but this is really a terrible question because I read zillions of books and I love them to bits and then I read more and I love them to bits too and it's quite unfair to ask me to choose just 2).
2. Bridget Jones Diary by that writer chick what wrote it. I also am awfully fond of anything by Nick Hornby, God-Shaped Hole by someone whose name I can't remember and anything by Margaret Atwood. The book I'm reading right now is also shaping up to be an all-time favourite. But don't ask me who wrote it. It's the chick who wrote In Her Shoes that book that was made into that movie with Toni Collette and Cameron Diaz. You know the one.

Two Best Jokes:
1. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? - It was dead.
2. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? - It was stapled to the monkey. (I'm actually laughing out loud right now as I type. I am such a loser.

or alternately:

1. Why did they stop the leper hockey game? - There was a face off in the corner. Get it? Face off...
2. What did the leper say to the prostitute? - Keep the tip. These are literally the only jokes I know.

Two things you're afraid of:
1. Spiders
2. Loneliness

Ooo...Suity Goodness

In an effort to make up for posting the picture of my friend the Senor with his giant (and super hot) balloon titties here is a picture of him looking all swanky-like in the suit store. He cleans up real nice. :-) But I still prefer him with the balloon tits. I guess that's just the kind of girl I am.

Oh Yeah Baby...I'm Fucking Bored.

1. Where were you an hour ago?
Right herein front of my computer. It's a poor excuse for a Friday night (okay it's not actually Friday, but it's MY friday damnit! :-)).

2. Who will be your next kiss?
My sweet puppy of love I imagine. But not the dirty kind. No tongue. I mean she tries, because she's kind of a tart, but I'm not that kind of girl.

3. What is the largest amount of money you spent in one store?
Maybe the $4,000 Kohsuke and I spent on a computer ages ago...of course that wasn't my money so maybe that doesn't really count.

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
My toenails (still pretty from my pedicure), my swanky pink leather wristband (it also has rhinestones) and my pink fleece hoodie. It's groovy.

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
I went with the momma just this afternoon.

6. Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope. No way. Is it January? Because I'm dead set against socks after January.

8. When was the last time you went out of town?
Today. I live in Duncan and work in Victoria. It's a glamourous life I lead my friends...

Where are questions 9 and 10? I'm intruigued...and confused.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Sugar-free iced tea. But I'm contemplating a chai latte excursion...

12.What are you wearing right now?
Capri jeans, white sleeveless blouse, giant cleavage creating bra. Nothing out of the ordinary. Except of course that I'm not wearing a single black item of clothing. Not even the underpants!

13. Have you been in a car wash?
Um, yeah. What kind of question is this? Of course I've been in a car wash. In my car. Because why would you be in a car wash without your car? Duh.

14. Last fast food you ate?
Oh. McDonalds yesterday. I was having an exceedingly bad day and was forced to resort to drowning my sorrows in grease. I still feel dirty. On the inside.

15. Where were you on Saturday?
Working, working, working. Blah. And then Capital Iron and Moores (the suit store) and Tombo the delicious sushi restaurant near my work and Costco and home. There might be something I'm forgetting here but I can't remember so it's dead to me now.

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
The sleeveless white blouse I'm wearing right now. I was hot! Temperaturely speaking.

17. When was the last time you went running?
Saturday! Today I could barely walk. It hurts!

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
I watched most of the hockey game tonight. Which was kind of weird because I don't usually watch sports on tv by myself but I couldn't help it. I had to know if Edmonton would win!

19. What is your favorite class?
Low.

20. Your dream vacation?
You know, this is going to be the worlds cheesiest answer to this question but I'm feeling the cheese...today I'd have to say that my dream vacation would be pretty much anywhere with one or more of the following people: Marla, Virve, Shae, Marya, Jess or the Senor. I'd have a great time anywhere with these super fantastico biatches!

21. Last person's house you were in?
My friend David's.

22. How old are your parents?
Like a thousand years old! Kidding. They're young parents. 52? 53?

23. Are you in love?
Shhh...I'm hunting wabbits...

24. Do you miss anyone?
Virve, Marya, Marla, Jess, Shae, Charlene...lots of people. I've been lucky enough to have a shitload of awsome friends over the years who just happen to be not here.

25. Last play you saw?
Does the Phantom of the Opera count as a play? Because I think that might be the last one. No wait, Cabaret. But that's not really a play either. Crap.

27. What are your plans for tonight?
Boredboredboredboredboredboredboredlatteboredboredboredboredtvboredboredboredboredsleep.


29. What's your favorite, Chinese food or tacos?
Okay, I have a thing for the mexican food but not the taco specifically. So chinese food. But if we're talking mexican in food in general, then mexican. Because the chinese don't drive hopping cars and I'm all about the hopping car.

30. Ever go to camp?
A couple of times when I was 12. It was a christian youth camp. It rocked. Yeow!

31. Where do you ideally want to have a job?
Ideally? Actually, I'd like to be in a position where I can have a permanent teaching position in a great university somewhere I love (not sure where but probably the west coast) with regular opportunities to teach special courses or segments of courses in other universities around the world. Like Hanno at NSCAD who visits Ireland and Mexico every year to teach for awhile. I have no details but it sounds pretty damn good to me.

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Oceanus oil from the Body Shop.

34. Are you hungry?
Um, not so much hungry as cravy. Me want chai! Grrr...

35. Where is/are your best friend(s) located?
Nanaimo, Surrey (ha ha Surrey-girl!), New York and there's some damn fine bitches in Victoria, London and Halifax as well.

37. Do you have a tan?
Kind of...it's fake and only I actually notice it. I think I'm looking wicked dark but everybody else still thinks I glow in the dark.

38. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
25. I think I may have missed my ideal baby popping window. I'd say now if I don't have one by the time I'm 35 it's not going to happen.

39. Do you want to get married?
Well, I've been there and done that but yeah. More than the actual marriage part of it I'd like to meet someone I could laugh and love and touch tummies with who laughed and loved and touched tummies right back.

40. Is there a song that brings you back to a year ago today?
Nooo...but let's go with early July and say My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas. I have a distinctly hilarious memory of driving around with the Senor (Youbou!) singing that song. Loudly. Because someone doubted my claim to know all the words by heart...ah, good times.

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
Last year I think...leaving Victoria. No ticket. Woo hoo!

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
Indeed I have my friend. What a retarded fucking question.

43. How do you like your drinks?
I'm very particular. I enjoy a cold beer, a super cold diet cola, a slightly cooler than room temperature water, and a scaldingly hot chai latte or tea.

44. Do you like hot sauce?
Indeed I do. Hot sauce for a hot and saucy lady. Grrrrowl!

45. Last time you took a shower?
This morning. 5:30 am. Sucks to be me.

46. Do you need to do laundry?
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow! It's my allotted laundry day tomorrow. I'm stoked. I actually have my change lined up on the desk beside me. I'm kind of a dork.

47. What is your age?
31!

48. Are you someones best friend?
Um, that's hard to say isn't it? I'm definitely in the top 5.

49. Are you rich?
No. Unless of course you count wit and raw animal sex appeal! That's right. I said it!

50. What do you think of the person who took this survey before you?
I don't really know him. I stole it from mySpace. Because I loooooves the surveys!

ee cummings is good

This is a poem I heard today on a movie. And I'm a squishy girly-girl sometimes so I loved it to little itsy-bitsy bits and had to google it so that I could have it for my very own. Because I'm just greedy like that. But I'm not completely greedy so I'm posting it here for you. But don't mock me. I'll kill you. Because I'm not always a squishy girly-girl you know. :-)


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

My Question For You.

Okay. So I'm in this coffee shop having a lovely chai latte (not quite as good as Starbucks but few seldom are :-)) after my spa pedicure (have I mentioned how much I liked that?) and I had to pee. Because that's what you do. Not all the time of course, but every now and then. Anyway, not really the point. So I go into the freaky deaky little bathroom (it's Duncan, they're pretty much all freaky deaky except of course for Starbucks which is a haven of flattering lighting and cleanliness) and I noticed that there was a whole lot of writing on the walls of the stall. Which I quite enjoy (you just don't get that kind of entertainment in Starbucks). But again, not really the point. What is my point you ask? Well shut the hell up. I'm getting to it. My point is, does everybody but me carry a sharpie around with them? And if so, why? Is the sole purpose of the pocket sharpie to allow for unfettered personal expression while hangin' with your peeps in the can? Seriously? Who are these people? Okay, I'm totally going to be one of them from now on because I believe I really have something to bring to the table as far as bathroom communiation goes, but I mean other than people like me, who are these people? Okay bye!

Ooo...Girly...

I just had my very first spa pedicure (actually it's my very first pedicure of any kind) and I'm so addicted! Seriously. I may have to start whoring myself out on street corners to pay for it. It's just that good. It's not quite as good as sex, but with the whoring it'd be like killing 2 birds with one stone! A win-win situation if ever I saw one! Woo hoo! Now I need a manicure. And a facial. Shut up. And on that note, it's back to work!

Even Nicer Jugs...

That's right. Check out those jugs!

Nice Jugs...

Tee hee. I don't get out much.

I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me

I'm in such a funk. I've been sick for months now (I'm not exaggerating, it's actually been at least 2 months) and it's sucking the life out of me. And I pretty much hate everything. But it's a low grade kind of hate, not the good ol' burning rage kind of hatred so I guess that's a good thing. I'm just so sick of everything and I can't wait to get the hell out of here. Which makes me wonder whether or not I'll ever be able to build a life for myself with any semblance of permanence. Or is it always going to be like this? Don't like the way things are going? Move! I know it's not that black and white...generally speaking when I move it's for a good reason and the rest of it is just convenient, but to be perfectly honest the going to school thing (because that's generally the reason I move) actually feels like an excuse. I'm feeling so crappy and miserable about so many aspects of my life (and myself) that I just want out. I want to start over. But how many do overs do you get in one lifetime before you end up with no real life at all? Bah. I'm going to blame this whole line of thought on the rain (you can blame it on the rain cos the rain don't mind - nobody says it quite like Milli Vanilli)and my ridiculously over tired state. And now I'm going to go back to my cleaning. Woo fucking hoo.

Edumacation Is Fun

Okay, before all of you people out there who are much smarter than I am respond to that last posting...or the posting before (I forget things) it turns out Labanotation is actually a real word. So here it is. Don't say I never taught you anything.


Labanotation

n : a system of notation for dance movements that uses symbols to represent points on a dancer's body and the direction of the dancer's movement and the tempo and the dynamics: “Labanotation is specific enough to record the flutter of an eyelid” (Joseph Menosky).

Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!

I hate my life. It's true. Somehow last night when I was setting my alarm for the ridiculous time of 5:30 am I inadvertently reset the clock itself an hour ahead so this morning when it went off at 5:30 it was actually 4:30 and I didn't realise it until after I had showered and gotten dressed and sat down to print some stuff off so I can do work between shifts at the restaurant and now I could cry. I'm working my regular day shift and then at 6 I have to be back at the restaurant for 2 special tour dinners and between those shifts I'm going to be working on my freelance projects so as to try to prevent myself getting behind again. And now I'm going to be frickin' exhausted all frickin' day! I'm so cranky. Crap.

Losing My MInd

And I'm still at the car dealership. Labanotation. Is that even a word? It has nothing to do with me being at the car dealership but it was in an email I got today and it made me laugh because it totally sounds made up. And god knows I respect a good made up word every now and then. I don't even know what time it is anymore. My phone died and I swear they don't have a single clock in this building. And I know why. They're doing secret government testing on unsuspecting members of the public (such as myself) on what time deprevation and really dry recycled air does to the mind. In my case it makes me crazy. Er. I'm pretty sure they're also behind the really irritating woman who insisted on standing in the cubicle thingy next to where I'm currently sitting, talking on the phone (actual phone, not mobile if that makes a difference) loudly, while leaning over the side of my cubicle thingy, staring at my screen. Not even subtly. I mean honestly. At least pretend not to be a total douchebag people. And her conversation wasn't even interesting. But I guess it's a step up from the woman who insisted on talking to me earlier while I was watching dvd tv with my ostentaitiously large headphones on. She told me I looked just like a mannequin. I don't know what to make of that. I think I said thank you. They have pretty good tea here but I've had 2 giant mugs already with about a zillion sugars in them so I'm thinking it may not be in my best interests to have another. I'm also thinking I probably should've eaten before I came here. But honestly, I had no idea it would take so long. I brought my portable dvd player to amuse myself which worked for a solid 2 hours but now I'm just getting antsy. They also have very nice floors here and good lighting in the bathroom. Which probably isn't actually a bathroom in the strictest sense seeing as how there's no bath in it. And their little kitcheny thing is really swank. But maybe a little too swank. It's much swankier than my kitchen and here I am giving them my money. I think I'd feel better if it were a little shabbier. They have granite counter tops. And shiny sinks. I have shiny sink envy.

Survey Says...

1. Do you know anyone's myspace password?
I barely know my own passwords nevermind anybody else's.

2. Do you think ur love life right now will last long?
Ah. You know, after the weird couple of years I've had I'm not even going to speculate. Besides I'm moving in 8 weeks. 60 days.

3. are you an emotional person?
I am a ridiculously emotional person. It drives me mental.

4. If u had one last breath to say something to someone u love what would u say?
I guess I would just tell them I loved them. That seems like the most important thing. Unless they had something in their teeth. Then I'd tell them that.

5. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I'm going to keep the original answer here...Yes, but it doesn't believe in me.

6. Ever felt jealous of your friend?
Oh yes indeed. I'm just that kind of girl. I'd like to add that I've never felt jealous of a real friend to the point that I begrudged them their happiness. I'm more of an internal wallower. With the woe is me and the whatnot.

7. What was the last thing you did?
That's vague. Drove home? Picked a yummy strawberry from my little corner of the Senor's garden? Kissed the doglet? Begged the Senor to transfer money from my grad school fund into my regular account to cover the ridiculously expensive servicing my little car is getting as we speak. Type. Whatever. And then I shed a little tear.

8. Who is right next to you?
Nobody at all. My sweet doglet of love is in Nanaimo. There's a giant green truck to my right but I don't think that counts as a who. It has big tires.

9. Who was the last person you ate with?
The Senor. I made us a delicious faux-mexican casseroley kind of thing and then we watched Dead Like Me which kicks ass.

10. How many times has your page been viewed?
Dunno. Zillions I would assume. I'm pretty fantastic and ridiculously popular.

11.How's the weather right now?
Super crazy rainy. I dig it. I think I'm going to do some painting. Except now it's sunny so maybe I'll do some cleaning instead.

12.Last person you called today?
The Senor.

13. Last person who called you?
Marlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

14. Last song you sang?
Crazy by Gnarls Barkley. I dig it.

15. Last time you danced?
Yesterday. With the doglet, around the apartment. She loves it. And by loves it I mean hates it more than anything she's ever hated before. But she loves me so she put up with it. Okay, actually she's just too small to fend me off. Whichever.

16. Lost a friendship over something stupid?
Oh yes. That used to be my trademark. I am however much better at the friendship thing now. Or so I tell myself.

17. Ever smoked?
Indeed I have. But never habitually. And I didn't inhale. Ahahahaha. Ha. That never gets old.

18. Dumped someone before?
Oh yes. I'm not really a big fan of the dumping but what can you do? Sometimes that's the only option.

19. Been really depressed before?
Right you are Ken. I have. The Cure is my all time favourite band. That should tell you something.

20. Faked being sick to miss school?
Yep.

21. What time did you wake up today?
7:30ish.

22.current taste?
What the hell? I don't even know how to answer that. My current taste in music is leaning toward the funky-dancey end of things, tv...Dead Like Me and Boston Legal (William Shatner, Candice Bergen and James Spader in the same show?! Yeow!), food... mexican and sushi preferrably but given my financial situation, cereal and my free meals from work, I could go on all day...

23. Do you like the person who sent you this?
Nobody sent me this. I stole it. I'm like that.

24. What are you wearing right now?
Capri jeans, tank top, black hoodie, black shoes.

25. Are you too shy to ask anyone out?
I'm generally not an asker outer. I prefer to be the pursued rather than the pursuee.

26. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Okay, this question annoys the hell out of me because I think that whenever you meet someone new the first thing you notice is their body. Which is a seemingly shallow answer. But it's true! It might not be the most important thing you notice in a first meeting but it's the first damn thing! After that I specifically look at the eyes and the smile. Followed by hands and forearms. I have a thing for hands and forearms. I've said too much.

27.where are u now?
Stupid car dealership what eats my money.

28.WHAT DATE IS IT?
June 2nd. 60 days to go!

29.WHere did u go yesterday?
To visit the Senor in fabulous Nanaimo.

30. WHAT DID U DO THERE?
Made dinner, watched tv. The usual.

33. ARE U MATURE OR IMMATURE?
Oh god. I don't know. Mostly immature with a slight chance of scattered maturity in the afternoon.

34. WHAT DO U CALL UR MOM & DAD
Yo Momma and Fred. And then my dad-dad I call dad.

35. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
For the most part. There are a few step-siblings here and there but they came onto the scene quite late. And only one of them did I consider a sibling.

36.WHERE DO U GO SHOPPING?
Apparently the frickin' car dealership where I buy stupid oil changes and tire rotations and whatnot. When I actually get to choose my shopping location I tend to lean towards any clothing store I wander into and bookstores. I'm not fussy about where. I also like art supplies and dvds. And cds. And Costco. I like to shop.

37. DO U LIKE SCHOOL?
Yes! I'm so totally a career student. I like it so much I'm going to become a professor so I can stay there forever. That's really kind of sad when you think about it. Let's move on.

38. DO U LIKE BOOKS?
I like books more than I like people. If I could have wall to wall bookshelves in every room of my apartment I would. Even the bathroom. But they'd have to be special waterproof books so as to prevent the wavey page thing and mildew. No one like a mildewy wavey page book.

39. DO U WANT TO GET MARRIED?
I'm already married. The thing is, I'm not a very good judge of character when it comes to these things. I tend to want to marry (or to be a little more accurate actually marry) really nice guys who do really mean things (with really boring girls which is even more humiliating) but they're still really nice guys at the heart of it which makes it impossible to just hate them outright as you're meant to do in these situations which causes me a lot of internal turmoil and who wants that? So, while I do kind of like the idea of being married, my own ridiculous judgement is an obstacle.

40. TO WHOM?
Ah yes. Ideally someone who won't screw around just because they can. Unfortunately that's not the only criteria. I also want someone who is intelligent, funny, self-deprecating, fun to hang out with, adventurous, open minded, honest, chivalrous, employed and who loves me to bits even though I'm a totally damaged psycho with mood swings the likes of which you've never seen. Unless you've known me for more than 5 minutes in which case you have. Oh, and they should also be fantastic in the sack. Is that asking too much? :-)

Things That Pick My Ass (and not in a good way)

I've been slaving away over a hot computer all day so it's time for me to take a break and bitch a little about things that I hate. Because that's what I do. You gotta go with your strengths. Right Senor?

Today I hate old people. Not all old people. Don't get me wrong...I've got nothing against sweet little cookie baking grandmas. Nope. Not a thing. I just don't know any. The old people I'm talking about are the ones who walk up to the Starbucks counter in Safeway and ask loudly (yes, I'm sure she had a hearing issue, hence the loud talking but whatever. it's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to) "Do you only have Starbucks coffee here?!" and then turn to the other old people with them and say in an even louder voice (and by louder voice I mean shrieking harpy speak) "I bet they only have Starbucks coffee here! I don't think they have real coffee!" and then turn back to the counter yet again to demand "Well?! Do you?!" This picks my ass. It also picked my ass when she shuffled away with her crusty old friends (towards the adult diaper aisle no doubt) shrieking about the injustice of Starbucks serving only Starbucks coffee. But obviously not in those exact words. Because that would just be silly.

I also hate people of any age who refer to things they don't like as being somehow less real or valid than the things they do like. As in, "I don't think they have real coffee!" This really picks my ass. I don't like bitchy old people but you don't see me walking into old age homes asking "do you have any real people here or is it all bitchy old harpies?" Not even once.

I also hate people who come into my restaurant and ask me questions like, "Is your coffee any good or is it that crap coffee?" I generally respond "Oh yes, we only serve the crappiest of coffee here." Or how about "Are these prices in Canadian?" Not really related to the previous ranting I know, but annoying nonetheless. Or, "are the strawberries real strawberries?" I mean, of course not. They're wax. Isn't that what everybody serves these days? Fuck. People suck.