I'm Sad...

But I don't want to talk about it yet. But you can send me squishy emails if you want to. Or comments even. They'll do. Anything to do with my general fabulousness and how much you all miss me to pieces would do quite nicely. Okay bye.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I was reading back through some of my old posts and I found this survey I filled out in October of 2004 so I figured I'd do it again because it's short and I kind of liked the questions. It's always fun to compare how you felt about things then with how you feel now. And I like this one because it's all very shallow. Nothing too deep which is nice because I'm so tired I could barf. Or it could have been all the cheesecake I ate today. Senor, you make the best damn cheesecake for which I simultaneously love and hate you at the moment. :-)


1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: "There were other things you might not necessarily know or..."

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? Pillow. I've been lounging on the couch. It's what I do.

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?: "Must Love Dogs" a fairly inane girly movie with John Cusack and Diane Lane. I love John Cusack. He makes everything better when I'm feeling blah. Which I am. Holiday withdrawls I think. Blah.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is: 10:34 pm.

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 10:53 pm. Shit. I really should go to bed. I have to get up in 6 hours.

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: The water running in the trailer park water feature my neighbours have outside their door, neighbours arguing, a car driving by and something electrical humming. Oh, and the doglet making little sleep barking noises. That's pretty much the cutest sound in the world.

7: When did you last step outside? Doing? A couple of hours ago. I went to McDonalds. What can I say? I'm feeling a little down. John Cusack and a cheeseburger were my only recourse.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?: My friend Moody's blog. He has a life and he posts pictures of it for my vicarious enjoyment. It's great.

9: What are you wearing?: Jeans, pajama top (my weiner's really big in Japan) and a hoodie. It's cold in my apartment. And the swanky new necklace the Senor gave me for Christmas. It's beautiful and I love it.

10: Did you dream last night? Yes indeed. Really, really awful nightmare. Woke up really wigged out. Don't particularly want to talk about it. Too personal.

11: When did you last laugh? Today. Sometime. I spent part of the day with the Senor and the rest of the day with the momma both of whom tend to crack me up. When I'm not being a total gloomy freak that is. I'm on a bit of a gloomy freak streak (tee hee) these days.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in? Crazy chinese calendar I bought in San Francisco, giant butterflies I made myself, a not so good painting I also made myself (it's a triptych), some art deco style posters of rock bands, and some other little things. I like stuff on the walls (so does the Senor, don't you?). It's good.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: A plane ticket out of here. Don't know where really. Just somewhere else. Not forever mind you, just for awhile. Maybe somewhere warm. I still want to go to Moscow very much but maybe not in December. I think I'd go to Mexico. Maybe I'd buy out my car and drive there. Stopping at many tourist attractions and buses selling Mexican food along the way. Or maybe I'd buy a little apartment or house somewhere on the island. And then a plane ticket. So I'd have somewhere all my own to come back to.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know: I have this compulsive thing I do where I have to touch everything. If I'm walking along the side of a building I have to run my fingers along the wall (not necessarily the entire length of it, just a little will do). If I'm in a gallery I have to touch the paintings (I tend to keep my hands in my pockets so I won't). I run the tips of my fingers along the edges of fabric because it tickles (I used to do that to edge of my grandma's pj's and blouses when I was little so she gave me one of her nightdresses to sleep with and we called it my tickley. I've never been able to shake the habit). It's something you either find completely endearing about me or so annoying it makes you want to snap my neck like a chicken. I once petted the fur trim of a woman's hood on the subway. It's freakish, I know.

Bruises, Prom and Other Ridiculous Things

I have this big, black (more purple than black now actually) bruise the size of a baseball (maybe tennis, I'm not very sporty) on my left elbow. I'm not sure how it got there (it was a Christmas party and I had about 12 too many crantinis) but it hurts. You'd think I'd remember something like that. Guess not. It's kind of a shame because there's no way it's going to go away before New Years Eve and I've spent a lot of time and energy planning my ensemble and none of my plans encorporated a giant black bruise. Although by then it should have yellowed quite nicely. However, none of my plans encorporated a yellow bruise either. Or green for that matter. It's really quite a shame.

I've decided that my obsession with this ensemble (and I feel quite comfortable calling it an obsession) stems from my not having gone to my prom. That's a little misleading actually. We didn't have a prom the year I graduated. The idiots in my grade 12 class voted against it. I'm really not sure why. Probably all the crack. Kidding. So here I am, 13 years later, obsessing over a stupid New Years ensemble (I love that word). It's a sad thing really. I should've fought for my prom. If watching Pretty In Pink taught me nothing else it should at least have taught me the importance of prom. Whatever. My grad dress was hideous anyway.

I Love This Car

So much so that I photoshopped myself into the picture with it. Because I'm a dork.

A Few of My Favourite Things...

Here are some pics that make me happy. Because I love engrish. And horrifically artificial "natural" shots. And My friend Andrew's funny face. He's so hot right now.

Uh-oh

I just found myself absent mindedly humming Christmas carols to myself. Crap. Bubble's back on. Gah. So tired.

Fuck Christmas

That's it! My bubble has burst. I foolishly ventured out into downtown traffic (can you say really old people who can barely wipe their own asses still piloting oversized vehicles at the slowest possible speeds with complete disragard for both the laws of traffic as well as man coupled with a flagrant disregard for common sense) and it sucked. Alot. But that's not the bubble bursting component of my day. Nope. Then I went to the liquor store where the one thing I was looking to pick up (no, not my liquor store boyfriend) was completely sold out. But that wasn't it. Nope. No way. The final bubble bursting event came when I finally dragged my sorry, tired ass back into my lovely little apartment to watch my favourite Christmas movie of all time the Grinch Who Stole Christmas and what do I find? It's not the real grinch that I rented at all! It's some stupid thing without any narration where some guy just reads the bookas it goes along. Fuckers. So I'm done. Fuck Christmas. I'm tired of all of it. Everybody I talk to is wicked cranky and all I want to do is hide under my bed (with my prezzies) until it's all over. Grrr.

Ooo! Idea!

I just had the best idea! So, there are all these people who hate Christmas (or it could be that my excessive Christmasy perkiness offends them in some way...I doubt it though). I don't get it myself but I'm sure they have their stupid reasons. So this is what we need to do. We need to create some sort of cranky bastard network so that when these people are feeling the Christmasy ass twitching coming on they can contact another cranky bastard in the cranky bastard network and pick a fight with them or comiserate or whatever it is that cranky bastards do when they've got a Christmas bug up their Scroogey asses (would that be a humbug? tee hee) and then they wouldn't need to mess with my bubble. It's a good plan. Then places of business where the management are cranky bastards could put up little signs in the windows like the breast feeding friendly signs welcoming all cranky bastards and that way I wouldn't have to put up with their bastardy ways in my workplace. I like it. I'm going to get right on it. After I finish watching the Nightmare Before Christmas and wrapping the rest of my prezzies. I've gone prezzie mad this year. I'm all aflutter.

Christmas Bubble Bursting Bastards!

Why is it that people have to get so stupid and stressed out and bitchy and burst my happy Christmasy bubble? Why?! To everybody who gets pissy because of Christmas I say fuck off! What's the big fucking deal?! So you have to go out and buy some prezzies for your loved ones (and maybe a handful of not so loved ones) ooo...I'm really sad for you! Honestly, get over it. Christmas is a time for us to hang out with our friends and families, get some sweet prezzie action, eat some super fattening, partially narcotic food and generally be crazy and indulgent. How is this a bad thing? Feel guilty? Do something nice for someone - volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate some money or food or presents for people who can't afford them themselves. Find your families annoying? Suck it up! That's what families are for. Chances are you annoy them too. That's why god invented martinis. Don't like prezzies? I have nothing to say to you. I can't relate to that at all. I enjoy all aspects of the prezzie. I like buying them for other people (it's the easiest thing in the world to make someone happy at Christmas - even if your gift sucks ass if it's thoughtful the person will appreciate it and if they don't, then they suck and you should not spend another second worrying about them). And obviously I enjoy the getting of prezzies! Yay! Prezzies! How could you not love a holiday where you can find just about anything covered in a layer of glitter? Seriously. I don't get it. So, in conclusion, Christmas is good and people who run around in pissy moods trying to burst my super happy festive bubble with their overall crankiness can kiss my shiny metal ass (okay, it's not shiny or metal but I love Bender and if you don't know what that means then there's nothing I can do for you).

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Malls Scare Me

Yo. Wuzzup? You know who I hate? I hate the guy from the Spence Diamonds ad on the radio right now. He sounds like such a smug little weasel. Like he's wearing kahki pants with pleats. And brown leather deck shoes. And one of those ugly t-shirts with the little femmey collar. Smirking. You can hear the smirking. I swear. He makes me not want diamonds. Okay, now I'm getting a little carried away. I mean, it's not the diamonds fault that he sucks. Why punish them? Did I mention I like diamonds? I also like my doglet. Which is why I feel quite sad that she launched herself into a tub full of really, really hot water the other day and scalded herself. With much yelping and scrabbling of claws and whatnot. It wasn't nearly as much fun as you might think it would be. Poor little doglet. She's okay though. And no, I didn't find a bun big enough to put my boiled weiner in. People think they're sooo funny. And I bought my first pair of stiletto heels yesterday to wear with my pink sequined New Years dress (is it really pink Senor? you just don't know). It was exciting. Now ask me if I can walk in them. Tee hee. Um, not so much. But as long as I stand absolutely still and lean against the wall it's all good. And they look supa sexy. I'm kidding (but not about the supa sexiness - they're some hot shoes my friends). I can walk. Just not with what you would call grace. Or even coordination. But I'm working on it. I'm sure by downstairs neighbours can attest to that. You gotta love hardwood floors. Now, what is it about Christmas that makes people so damn bitchy? I love Christmas. I'm a single, separated, 30-something year old woman, living with a small dog in Duncan of all places and I still love Christmas! Hello, prezzies! So what's the problem? I was in the mall today and I thought people were going to kill each other. Which given the selection of people at the Mayfair Mall in Victoria might not be an entirely bad thing but I digress. So I'm in the mall, malling around (I hate the mall) and all around me were frazzled moms hissing at their children (because a really angry mom doesn't shriek, she hisses) while death gripping their ears or arms or in one case their face. It was scary. And then I had to shove one vapid mouthbreather out of my way in Le Chateau because apparently me standing directly in front of her saying excuse me in my super friendliest voice while trying to squeeze past her and her 8 million kids (each from different fathers I'm sure) and stacks of hootchie wear while she examined yet another must have mini (or was it a tube top? it's so hard to tell) that she really shouldn't have been looking at at all (as with spandex, the mini is a privelege, not a right) wasn't a clear enough indicator that her giant trailer park ass was blocking the entire aisle and she should perhaps get the hell out of my way. In retrospect I probably shouldn't have shoved her. Her herd of little monsters could easily have taken me down and I'd've disappeared beneath a pile of tiny halter tops and glitter sweaters never to be heard from again. The mall is a dangerous place. Not for the faint of heart. And now I must Buffy. I'm bored and tired but it's too late to nap so Buffy it is. Who doesn't love Buffy? Lesbians, that's who. I don't even know what that means. Okay bye!

I Think...

I think I'm allergic to my Christmas tree. :-(

I Have Got to Move...

Or make some Duncan friends. Probably moving is a safer bet. I'm so bored! It's Friday night, 2 weeks before Christmas and where am I? On my couch. And what am I going to do (rock you?)? Nope. Watch a movie, do some work and go to bed. Fuck. I love my apartment but I've been recently thinking that for the sake of my sanity I should try again to find something in Victoria for me and the doglet. It seems that most of my friends are there now and I'm starting to feel really isolated here in the Dunc. It's not like it's out of the question for me to drive to Nanaimo or Victoria for some partyesque festivities but once I'm there with the cocktails and the whatnot I can't get home. And I have to get home due to inclement dogness. That makes no sense in the strictest...sense...but I like it anyway. Sometimes I just throw words that I enjoy into a conversation they don't really belong in and hope for the best. But yes. Victoria. It's expensive and that's a drawback but I could really do with being closer to my people. And now that we're into the swing of things at Malaspina (being a new teacher and all) we're not having faculty meetings every 5 minutes so it would make more sense to be in Victoria. If only I had a roomate. Of course there's the issue of now having more furniture than anyone really needs to have but I'm sure I could work around that. Oh, and all of my friends have cats. Could be a problem. Oh right, and I hate everybody (when it comes to living together). That's definitely an issue. Maybe I'm just doing that thing where I get bored and really need to shake things up a little. Maybe it'll pass. Or maybe I'll go postal and kill us all. Only time will tell. Any suggestions (not for the killing...I've already got my list)? Anybody need a semi-postal roomie?

Meowmeowmeowmeow.

Lalalalalalalalala! Who doesn't love Christmas?! Crazy people, that's who! And who doesn't love my swanky Christmas tree?! Sickos! Commies! Ass muppets!

My tree kicks ass.

The senor brought it to me as a surprise. It's like when my kitty used to kill stuff and leave it for me on the floor in intervals of about a foot all the way from the bed to my car. But not as yucky. And it smells way better too. Yay senor! Good kitty!

What you can't tell is that there are lots and lots of lovely balls on my tree. And who doesn't love lovely balls? I asked my friend Saucy and he couldn't think of anybody.

And now I must sleep.

Nothing. Seriously, nothing.

It's been a really weird day. I spent the entire day doing absolutely nothing worthwhile. Well, I went for my weekly breakfast burrito which was delicious as always but beyond that...zip. I tried to do laundry a little while ago but realised as I pulled up to the laundromat that they closed in about an hour so there wasn't enough time. So I went to Starbucks and continued my grand tradition of doing absolutely nothing for another hour (but with latte this time) and now I'm home. Doing...you guessed it. You'd think I'd feel pretty good after a leisurely day of nothingness but I just don't. I feel like crap. Maybe I'll feel better after I go to the gym. Ha ha. It's boot camp night again and I'm still sore from the last one. I think they're really trying to kill me. They just laugh when I say that but I think it's nervous laughter. They know that I'm onto them. I can sense it. I wish I knew more people here. I'm so bored! Aaarrrrgggghhh! I may have to resort to going to a movie by myself. On a Friday night. No. I just can't do it! I'll go for a long walk with doglet and rent something instead. Not to mention my apartment is disgusting and I should really get off my ass and clean it. This is a really boring post. Sorry about that. That's what a day of absolute nothingness does to me. Grrr.

Snow! Yay!

Yep. It's me. With my swanky red scarf which I'm wearing because it's SNOWING!!! I'm so excited I could barf! Because snowing = Christmas and Christmas = Christmas trees and Christmas carols and Christmas dinner and...wait for it...Christmas presents!!! Yay!!! I love Christmas. I really do. And speaking of which, here's my Christmas list for those of you who asked. Because some of you did. You know who you are.

- Painting supplies. Canvases (as in men, the bigger the better) and paint (the type being acrylic - the brand being "Golden" - the colour being pretty much anything. But I always need Titanium White.)

- Books! There's a new Anne Rice out. It's about Jesus. Does that seem like a weird combo to anyone else? Son of a Witch by...I can't remember who but it's really popular and being advertised everywhere so it shouldn't be hard to find. I want both of these books alot. Just so you know.

- A new life. Oh wait, if you could buy those in stores I'd've saved up for one already. Nevermind.

- Digital camera! I know, chances are it's too much but hey, go big or go home right? Tee hee.

- Starbucks gift card. I love Starbucks. Mmm...starbucks.

- There's that whole jewellery thing. I like jewellery. Especially from that cute little store in Duncan. It's cute...

- Another month of Fit Camp (also known as boot camp) at my gym. This is a far fetched one because it's really expensive but there's no harm in trying. :-)

Okay, that's all I can think of right now but if anything else comes up I'll let you know. You better believe it baby!