Ooo...

Well, I've had my excitement for the week which is actually quite sad because it's so true. I was minding my own business, watching the Trailer Park Boys when I noticed that this guys on the tv looked really familiar. And that's because I totally know him! It was a friend of mine from the record store I worked at in Halifax! It was great. I don't know why I'm so excited but I totally am. Probably because I'm a tv addicted loser but that's okay. I'm comfortable with that! :-) Yay me!

So Itchy!

Oh my god! My legs are so itchy!!!! I went down to the beach to watch the sunset and have a beer with a friend the other night and the mosquitos swarmed me! I'm catnip for mosquitos!!! Catnip! Mosquito nip! And I'm allergic so they were all swollen and super itchy and everytime I move it's aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggh! Kill me! Now! Gah!

Sketchy

I carry a little hardcover sketchbook with me wherever I go so that if I see or hear something that amuses me or pisses me off or whatever I can record it. Sometimes I just write random thoughts that pass through my head. Sometimes it's bitchy, sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad...it's basically a record of what's been going on in my head and my life for a given period of time. And it's great. I love it. But over the past 3 months I've been carrying around a sketchbook with a purpose. I decided to make a book for one of my best friends for his birthday. And it's been so good. I think it may be the best overall book I've ever done. Because it had a purpose and a focus that previous books have lacked. Sometimes I go for weeks without drawing or writing a thing but with this book I don't think I ever went longer than I day. So it's filled with a lot more detail and effort than usual. Not to mention the personal aspect of it. It was produced with someone in particular in mind so every page was considered and a lot of the writing bits were really directed towards him. Kind of like a really drawn out (and sadly one-sided) conversation. And I'm really happy I did it. But now that I've given it to him and started a new book I find that I am always thinking of things I want to add to his book. But can't. And oddly, I don't want to put them in my new book. It's like I've lost all my motivation because compared to the intensity of this last one, this book doesn't matter. It has no real meaning to me. It's a bit freaky and I'm sure it'll pass but for now I'm a bit wigged out. I have writers/sketchers block! I've never had that before. How sad is that?

I Don't Know How I Feel About This...

I came across this article a few minutes ago and I'm just not sure how I feel about it. Actually, that's not true. It pisses me right off but I can see both sides of it and that pisses me off even more. To say that being a victim of domestic violence is no excuse for the women who do not intervene to save their children from a living situation that results in their harm or death is both disgusting to me and reasonable. Here's the thing...I don't think people can understand what being in a situation like that where fear becomes an ingrained part of your life and where trying to please someone who can never be pleased becomes the key to your survival does to a person. I'm not big on playing the gender card but I think that in this particular case most men really can't understand it. And maybe alot of women can't either. I don't know. Why would you not just walk away? But if you think about how much a woman in this situation goes through, you can imagine how they might think that they couldn't leave. That they were too stupid or too weak to survive on their own, or that the man in their life wouldn't let them go. That something worse could happen if they were to enrage him in that way. On the other hand, a grown woman has a limitless amount of options and control that a child just doesn't have. In any situation. A 2 year old girl can't walk away no matter what hand she's been dealt so it falls to the parent to care for them at whatever cost. So yes. This article has me all aflutter. My overall feeling is that Arnie has his head so far up his rich white male ass that he has no business judging anyone. I can't imagine that he has much empathy for someone who has been dominated and abused or much understanding of what that kind of constant fear can do to a person. Anyway, I'm done with my rant so here's the article.


"When California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger denied parole to a battered woman last week, he underscored a message that courts and prosecutors are increasingly giving mothers: They can be prosecuted for murder and imprisoned if they fail to prevent their children from being killed.

Linda Lee Smith, 52, has spent 24 years in prison in the murder of her 2-year-old daughter, Amy. Although the parole board has declared her suitable for release six times since 1989, the state's governors have decided otherwise.

Smith was convicted of second-degree murder in San Luis Obispo County in 1980 and sentenced to 15 years to life after she did not stop her boyfriend from fatally beating Amy. Whether Smith participated in Amy's abuse was hotly disputed at her trial. The prosecution argued that by not aggressively intervening, she condoned the violence.

That Smith may have been a victim of domestic violence was no defense, Schwarzenegger said. He said in his May 18 letter denying parole that Smith still poses "an unreasonable threat to public safety."

Smith's situation is not unique. Legal scholars and court dockets across the nation suggest that during the past two decades, mothers increasingly have been blamed -- and prosecuted --for not protecting their children from harm. That includes women who have been victims of domestic violence or who have used drugs while they were pregnant."

Still Nothing Interesting...

Nope. Nothing at all. I don't know what the whole excited anticipatory thing was all about. Whatever. It's a great day today! So sunny! Woo hoo! On the flip side of that whole woo hoo reaction, my car is stinkin' hot and so not with the air conditioning. What was I thinking?! It's a cruel irony that when it's perfect driving weather my car is so hot it makes you just want to drive it into the side of a building. Or maybe that's just me. Ha ha. Funny. I'm having this almost overwhelming urge to go on a road trip. Roadtrip! I guess it would have to be a mini-roadtrip since I can't take more than 2 days off in a row but still. Roadtrip! I'm thinking I may have to go to Tofino again really soon. Or maybe Quadra Island. Or maybe somewhere else. I just don't know. It's really not as much fun as it could be when you have to take solo road trips but I can deal. I'll take small doglet and it'll be all good. What else? Oh hey, I bought really fun underpants (I love the word underpants - it's so creepy) yesterday. Yep. They're those boy style underpants (I'm giggling even as I type the word underpants) and they're crazy green with teal blue trim and crazy 70s style writing. The front says "I'm way" and the back says "too cool for school." They're so lame it's awesome! Awesome! Or maybe I need to get out more. A little bit of column A, a little bit of column B perhaps. Anyway, that's all for now. Bye!

No Title Today

I'm feeling really excited today and I don't know why. You know that feeling you get when there's something good that's going to happen and you just can't wait for it but you have to so you get all flutter feeling in your belly and you count the days, hours, minutes until finally it's here!? Well that's how I feel. But I don't know why. It's hard to count the hours when there's no way of knowing what it is you're counting down to. Grrrr. But it's kind of fun anyway. And frustrating at the same time. So here's hoping I figure it out soon because I'm getting quite mental about the whole thing. Mental-er. Okay bye!

And...

I'm very sad because no one has emailed me for days. DAYS I tell you! I'm wasting away from lack of email love. Sigh.

Dilemma...

I have 2 feasible possibilities for a place to live for the doglet and me. But I'm torn. So on the one hand there is a guy I work with who is looking for a roommate. He's nice. I don't know him all that well but he seems like an okay guy. He responds well to my name calling (in that he hasn't stabbed me in the eye with any of the readily available knives that are perfectly handy all over the kitchen), he's pretty quiet, and...well, that's all I really know about him. He's a writer and he likes to paint. And that really is all I know. He's got a 2 bedroom townhouse in James Bay which is a good location for me. But it has carpeting. I hate carpeting. I have an issue. I know, I'm a nutbag. C'est la vie. Beyond that, I know about as much about the place as I do about him. Which is, obviously, not much. Oh wait, it has a little backyard.

And on the other hand there is another place...it's a room and a workshop (that I could possibly turn into a studio...) in a house on 5 acres just outside of Victoria. It's about a 15 minute drive from the restaurant (or a 20 minute bike ride according to the people who live there) in sunny Saanich. I was really excited about the place when I read the ad and called them but then the lady called me back and was kind of...weird. There was a vibe. She reminded me of my crazy aunt who drives me nuts so I became rapidly less excited. But then today her...man (husband? boyfriend? crazy brother who lives under the stairs?) called me to set up an interview and he was pretty nice. No weird vibe. So I've decided to cruise by the place tomorrow before the interview and check it out. If it's nice, I'll go. If it's crap, I'll cancel. Oh, the downside of this place is that they want someone who is willing to help with the gardening. Okay, that's not actually the downside. I like gardening. Don't know much about it but I like it. The problem is that apparently I would have to help them with the lawn mowing. Which you wouldn't think would be a big deal. But it takes them 2-3 HOURS to do it! Hours!!! Of lawn mowing! I just don't know if I'm that girl.

So there you go. I guess by this time tomorrow I'll know what I want to do but for now it's a dilemma. As my city girl self who really just wants to live in a tiny studio apartment in Chinatown (but will settle for a townhouse in James Bay with roommate) wars with my hippie girl self who wants to live in a cute house on 5 acres of land with gardening and a workshop (which could be a studio!!) and roommates of questionable vibe. I'll let you know what happens...

Camping, Dominoes and Other Interesting Things

I love camping. It's true. Okay, so I only went for one night and everything was pretty much set up perfectly by the time I actually got there but whatever. If you're going to be picky about it I guess I should say that I love drinking outdoors. And playing dominoes on a collapsable poker table. Poker would've been nice too but maybe next time. There's only so much you can do in 24 hours. But yes. It was great. Lilo was off her leash for most of the time and she was really good. She did run around like a crazy nutbag some of the time but she always came back so that's a good thing. And Newcastle is fabulous. I think that maybe I had forgotten how beautiful it is. Anyway, I'm really tired tonight and I've got to get up at 5am tomorrow so I can haul my sorry ass back into work so now I must sleep. Sleep is good. Not as good as camping, but pretty good nonetheless. Woo hoo! Let's hear it for sleep! Okay bye.

Interesting

Or not. I don't know. I'm going to go camping tonight with some friends (they get the whole weekend but I'm all worky and whatnot so it's just one night for me) and it's looking alot like rain. And really, really cold. Dammit! The weather is supposed to clear up and be all lovely and warm from Friday onward through the long weekend. I'll be working. Bah! Whatever. That's why god invented alcohol. And hangovers are why god invented water. And who doesn't like a god who plans ahead. I'm so going to hell. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate being cold? Because I totally do. I'm going to have to dig out a million sweaters to take with me. And socks. I hate socks. I'm a flip flops kind of girl dammit! I could wear flip flops and toe socks. Kidding. I fear socks with sandals almost as much as I fear cold. Shit. How am I going to carry all of my million sweaters? I have to take a little mini-ferry to get where we're going. Maybe I can strap them onto Lilo's back. Ha ha. That would be awesome. She's a tough little weiner dog. She can take it. :-) I'm being very whiny but I'm actually quite excited. I haven't been camping since I watched the Blair Witch movie. Why did I say that? Now I'm going to be all freaked out. Shit. Again, please refer back to the god created alcohol portion of this post. Woo hoo! I have so much energy right now! Yay! I got to sleep in until 7:30 this morning. And how much does it freak me out that I consider 7:30 sleeping in?! I am a changed woman. Whatever. Okay, must go and do some laundry and dig out appropriately warm apparel so I don't freeze to death during the night. Because that would be bad. On the other hand, if I were frozen I wouldn't have to work would I? But then I'd miss out on the tips. It's the tips that keep me going. Speaking of tips, what did the leper say to the prostitute...?

Stupid, stupid, stupid

I started jogging today. I have only one thing to say about that. Fuck.

Bottom Feeders and Other Yummy Things

I thought I should share with you, my fabulous friends from around the world, my newfound (okay, maybe not newfound so much as newly noticed from the perspective of being single yet again) attractiveness for bottom feeders. I am a magnet for losers. It's true. Catnip for dorks. I mean yes, it does make for interesting (I hope) and amusing posts about my fabulous new boyfriends but viewed in the cold, harsh light of actuality, it's getting a little old. A lot.

My latest in a string of ridiculous men who think that just because I'm not a total bitch (little do they know) it must mean I'm hot for them is my Dog Park Boyfriend. He's got a dog. She's really cute. A great dog really. The doglet and I dig her. My boyfriend on the other hand is less than diggable. I've talked to him for a total of about 10 minutes (he tried to talk to me the other day but I was already talking to someone else on my cell phone which oddly enough didn't deter him all that much until I waved and started walking away from him) and I already know that he's just started a new job (didn't ask him what because I don't care), he goes to his parents house for dinner alot when he wants to eat a good meal (because the bachelor life is wearing thin - his words, not mine) and he'd like to visit his friend overseas but it's just so far away (I made the mistake of answering him when he asked where I'd gotten the doglet). There was more but quite frankly my eyes had glazed over and my mind had fled to it's happy place by then so I can't quite remember.

And he's hot. Slightly bug-eyed with a beer belly (more of a paunch really), jogging pants in public with no hint of embarrassment, socks in sandals (white socks no less and water-proof sandals), and a t-shirt that said "I catch the fish, the woman try to catch me" although now that I think about it, it may have been "hook" not "catch." I can't remember. Either way, growwwwwwl.

And there you have it. My hot new single life in a nutshell. I'm kind of afraid to go back to the dog park in case he gets the idea that he should ask me out or something. Maybe we can go to his mom's house for dinner. That would be cool. Bah! I am so totally bait for bottom feeders. What do bottom feeders eat anyway? Oh god. I'm the algae of the dating world. Or fish poop. This sucks! Ass! And not in a good way!

He's Just Not That Into You

Yep. I bought this book today (He's Just Not That Into You) because I've been hearing lots about it recently and it was at Costco (as was I! It's fate! Kismit! I don't know what that means! Woo hoo!) and that makes me happy (because I'm cheap). And it's great! I mean, obviously I'm not a total retard so not much that they've said in it is new to me but it's just really funny and really refreshing to hear (or read, if you want to be all literal about it) some guy (the author) just say it. Okay, it may not be as funny or whatever out of context but here's a little excerpt from the book (because I'm obsessed - give me a break, I just bought it today!) It's a faux advice column thing.


Dear Greg, (the author's name. am I explaining too much? I do that.)

My boyfriend of a year and a half doesn't seem attracted to me. He doesn't want to have sex that often, maybe once every other week. Often I have to initiate it. When I ask him about it, he tells me that he's really stressed about work, but that he really is attracted to me. Before that he told me it was because his mother has recently died and he was too depressed. But when I really think about it, it's been pretty much like this ever since we met. Maybe for the first couple of weeks I felt like he thought I was hot, but since then he has never really seemed that into me physically. I love him, and it's the most loving and healthy relationship in every other way, but now I spend a lot of time feeling frustrated and unattractive. My friends say I should believe what he's saying. But I'm starting to feel like he's just not that into me, physically.

Dara.

Dear Let's Get Physical,

If I'm really into somebody, I want to put it in them. And then take it out. And then put it back in them later on. So when we're picking someone who we want to spend a lot of time with, even perhaps the rest of our lives, we generally try to pick someone who likes to do the things we like to do. Including, if not especially, sex. You can accept his excuses all you want, but you have to ask yourself, is this the relationship you want to be in? He may be into you, he may not, but the only thing you have to answer is, is this how you want to feel, perhaps forever?

Okay and some more just because I love it so much! This is part of the table of contents listing all of the chapter names (which is exactly what a table of contents does so I don't know why I just explained that).

1. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out
2. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You
3. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Dating You
4. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Having Sex With You
5. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Having Sex With Someone Else
6. He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants to See You When He's Drunk
7. He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want to Marry You
8. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Breaking Up With You
9. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared on You
10. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Married (and Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable)
11. He's Just Not That Into You If He's a Selfish Jerk, a Bully or a Really Big Freak


There are other chapters but they're just not as funny. Anyway, I'm going to stop now because otherwise I'll by typing out the entire book and believe it or not I do have better things to do. Not much better mind you, but slightly better and frankly, I'll take it!

Okay bye!

Tea Leaves are Fun!

Well, maybe not in and of themselves they're not but aided by the presence of a primo tea leaf reader they sure as hell are! Darn tootin! Shut up Marla. Tea leaves are a very important part of my life. Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry-y? Anyway...

It was creepy. Really creepy. Like tomato seeds and spiders. Well, not like spiders no, but kind of like tomato seeds. If I liked tomato seeds. Which I don't. So maybe it wasn't like that either. Maybe it was like a rollercoaster. You think it's going to be fun and then you remember that it's a little scary too but you do it anyway because it's fun but then while you're strapped in and it's hurtling you all over the place, upside down and all around and you're imagining the cart coming off of the rails and you hurtling through the air until you come to an abrupt and messy stop on the side of a building or whatever. But then that doesn't actually happen and it's all over and it was pretty fun after all but you're a little shaky nonetheless so you have go and have a little sit down. Maybe with a lovely frothy latte. Or maybe it's nothing like that either. Whatever. It was creepy but fun and a lovely frothy latte is never a bad thing. Unless you don't have one. Which I didn't. But I did buy myself a pretty little necklace which made me feel much better. Because I'm a girl. And that's what girls do.

So this woman talked alot. And she knew stuff. Some of which I won't mention here because then everybody would know my stuff and it wouldn't be special. She started by saying that I'd had a really rough year and a half and that it had seemed like some kind of crazy roller coaster that I really wanted to get off of (not the good kind of roller coaster I guess - although would any roller coaster still be fun after a year and a half? I think not) and that my life was going to start getting better now. Not necessarily easier, but better. That I'd been feeling as though I was in limbo and that that was coming to an end. Then she asked me where my father was. Needless to say that threw me for a loop. She said that I'd been thinking about him alot of the time lately (which, sadly is true) and that I need to forgive him because he's not a bad man, just a man who had let things slide that he shouldn't have and doesn't know how to begin getting them back. And that I'd be seeing him this summer. I have mixed feelings about that.

She also said that I need to get on with my education but that it would probably be delayed for a little bit while I figure some things out. I have decisions to make don't you know. That's all I'm going to say about that. What else? Oh, my summer is apparently going to be not half bad. That I'll be meeting new people and that I won't be without a relationship. What the hell does that mean? She said it very strangely and with a sort of smirky expression which makes me wonder now that I think about it. Not mean smirky, just knowing smirky. I probably should've asked her to elaborate but I don't ever ask questions about my personal life during these things because I don't think I need to know. I'd rather have the uncertainty. Uncertainty breeds hope.

And then she talked about some of my health issues (again really specific and damn creepy) and said that they'll be getting better soon. Which again makes me happy. And that I'd be having a child. Yeah. Not now, or really soon but that there was definitely a child in my future. I'm so not sure how I feel about that one. I'll get back to you.

So that's the basic jist of it. There was quite a bit more on the relationship topic (I didn't ask, she brought it up - that prying bitch :-)) but I'm just going to keep that to myself for now. Too personal and too specific for the sharing today I'm thinking. But that was one of the creepier bits because she knew stuff. Lots of stuff. Really, really specific stuff. Yep. Anyway...

Oh, one more thing. She said that my grandfather was there and that in hindsight there were alot of things he wished he had done differently. That there was a certain clarity reached when you cross over to the "other side" and that he was sorry for the way things had gone. Again with the very, very mixed feelings. It was an interesting afternoon for sure. So yes, tea leaves are fun like rollercoasters but not tomato seeds and definitely not spiders because they're just no fun at all.

Apartment Hunting is SO NOT the New Black.

Nope. Not in any way, shape or form. And I haven't even started calling yet. I don't know what it is about me but I seem to have some deeply ingrained aversion to looking for someplace to live. Unless of course I already have somewhere to live in which case I seem to be irresistably drawn to "for rent" signs regardless of the shape, size or desirablility of the window in which they are hung. Sigh. I am a complex and "interesting" creature. Indeed. So I'm looking for a place. Hopefully for the end of the month. Which is getting noticeably closer as we speak. But I've circled many listings in my local paper. For the past 3 days actually. And there seems to be quite alot out there. What I'm hoping for is a cute little bachelor suite for me and my puppy. With hardwood floors and nice windows with the natural light and the whatnot. And a cute little kitchen. And a bathroom that doesn't make me feel like I'm being watched. You know what I'm talking about. Preferably a spider free zone. Although Lilo's spider munching is coming along nicely so maybe that's not such a big deal as it once was. I'd also like enough room to set up my painting paraphenalia. Of which I currently have none but do hope to procure as soon as I have a suitable space in which to set it up. Bringing us once again full circle. I'm thinking that this space issue is not such a difficult thing to achieve seeing as how I have no furniture. Or tv. Or anything other than a big metal shelving unit and a bed (which is calling me from the storage unit as I sit here on my deflated air mattress not doubt doing irreversible damage to my tailbone). My goal is to find myself a nest which I can feather to my heart's content for an extended period of time without having the burning desire to run screaming from the building everytime I come home. Something comfy. And cozy. Maybe with a little deck. Or maybe a little gardeny nook. Or neither of those things but something else that I can't think of now but is lovely and unique. And now I must go because someone is at the door.

Feeling Very Peculiar...

I am. It's true. Maybe it's the allergies which I think I have but aren't really sure because I also had a cold and can't tell if this is the remainder of the cold or a whole new thing. Or maybe it's the schizophrenic weather. Or it could be the 6 month anniversary of my separation from the ass monkey. Hard to say. Or it could be all of the above. In any case, I'm feeling very peculiar. Holy mood swings batman! I'm just not fit for human consumption these days. I've been thinking that it might be time for me to delve back into the world of dating. Or at least dip my toe into the shallow end of the open to dating pool. On the other hand, looking at the types I've been attracting lately, maybe not. Do you see how I am? Up down all around. Crazy. Or maybe I just need to dance!

See Paris Die!

Yesterday at work one of the customers gave us a free pass for 2 to the House of Wax opening in Victoria, so tonight Saucy Rossy (my super fabulous co-worker) and I went for dinner and a really scary movie. It was great! The prizes they gave out prior to the movie sucked ass so I was totally glad I didn't win anything (as if I wanted their stupid prizes anyway) but the movie rocked! Who knew? It freaked me right out several times. Anyway, I'm really tired and have a long day ahead of me so I've got to get to bed but I'll write more on this topic later. Maybe. Unless I forget. Which could totally happen. Okay bye!