Joan Rivers in a Helicopter?!

I know I have some weird dreams sometimes. Mostly involving teeth or dismemberment or shrinking or whatever but last night I had the weirdest dream ever. Well, maybe not ever. But it was weird. And really, really long. So here it is. I was flying over this tiny man-made island off the shore of New York. On the island were about 5 or 6 huge, swanky mansions in really bright miami mafia meets a Tim Burton suburb kind of colours. They were all different styles of architecture but kind of cartoony, like TokyoSea in Japan. It's based on Italy but it's all much brighter and cleaner and larger than life somehow. But they didn't have yards or anything because the island was so small so they were all just in a row and kind of butted up against one another with this swanky (and by swanky I mean really, really tacky) fountain and stuff in front like some crazy hotel entrance. But they were actual mansions that really rich and famous people lived in.

So I'm flying. And there were those crazy spotlights that they have at big movie premieres that just flail around illuminating the sky for no apparent reason. And lots of lights. And I think other people flying around. In helicopters. We didn't have wings or super powers or anything like that. But I was flying in one of those cartoon-type helicopters that look a little like a some amusement park kind of thing. No doors, no real roof, no safety restraints and no room for a pilot or anyone else but somehow there was a pilot. And Joan Rivers. And her camera guy. So we're flying around all crazy like with lots of swooping and lunging and whatnot and it was kind of fun. Even though I almost fell out a few times because of the no doors and all that. But it was all good. And Joan Rivers kept up this really annoying running commentary on who was doing what down on the island and she kept talking to me the way she talks to her daughter at those stupid awards shows they're always at and asking me if I knew this person or that person and then saying, "oh sorry, I guess not. I keep forgetting." Because I was just me. Not me famous or me rich or any of that. Just me. Confused as to why I was flying around in a crazy helicopter with Joan Rivers. Mostly I was just half-hanging out of the helicopter looking in at Joan Rivers like, what the fuck?

And then somehow I wasn't in the helicopter anymore. And thank god, Joan Rivers was gone. And I think I was in a boat. But a really, really tiny boat. And all around me were these gigantic floating...floats. Like parade floats, but the size of cruise ships and all different shapes and colours and there were giant people on them waving and doing their thing like a Mardi Gras parade (but no beads or booby flashing - sorry senor). Which was because it was Mardi Gras. But for some reason New York was having Mardi Gras now and not New Orleans. And only on the water. So there were little boats and big boats EVERYWHERE. But no one crashed. It was magical. But I was still just me. Me wondering how I got into this little boat, why New York was having a weird floating Mardi Gras and where did Joan Rivers go?

So I'm boating. As you do. And we're approaching the city. But somehow the city is located somewhere in Arizona or something. Because there were all those big red deserty looking cliffs in the background and kind of off to the side and I was thinking to myself, "man all those pictures you see of New York are misleading. How do they get the right angle so those cliffs don't show?" And so on. And it was much smaller than I'd always thought it was. It was really looking alot like a Disney version of itself. And I was thinking, okay, fair enough. And then we were on land. And stretched out behind the crazy Disney New York front was the actual city. Which was still very weird.

And Virve was there! Yay! And we wandered around all these weird places that were sort of like what you see on tv and in movies (or if you're actually Virve then in real life) but smaller. And kind of roundish. And much friendlier. And there was always weird music and you'd think I'd like that given how much I like Disneyland but I was just really confused the whole time. And I wasn't allowed to take pictures because they didn't want anyone to know what New York was really like. And I couldn't figure out why. Or how they managed to stop people from telling everybody what it was like when they left. And then there was something really menacing about some guy following us around but I can't remember what. And now that I'm thinking about it more, I can't quite remember any of the details beyond what I've already described.

I do remember that I ran into Virve completely by coincidence and I was really confused but she was just like, "oh hey, so you wanna go get something to eat?" and I was all, "what the hell am I doing in this freakish Disney New York? And why didn't you tell me it was so weird?" It was all very perplexing. And I woke up more confused than I think I've ever been. Well, maybe that's not true either. But pretty confused. And actually kind of annoyed. I remember thinking to myself as I woke up, "why can't things just be normal? Why does everything have to be so freakish and offputting and confusing? Why not just normal?"

And that feeling has sort of stuck with me for the whole day. It's very strange. Everytime some customer asked for something strange or reacted oddly to out of the blue questions like "can I get you something to drink?" at work I would think to myself "Why? Why not just be normal? Why be so freakish and annoying?" Not annoyed or anything, just really calm and wondering. Curious. Like it's a question someone could actually answer. I had to bite my tongue a couple of times to not ask people outright. Because I've had this nagging feeling all day that if I just walked up to the people that were confusing me with their weird drama and asked them, "hey, why not just be normal?" they'd snap out of it and say, "you know what, I'd never thought of that before. I think I will be normal. Thanks!" It's kind of surreal. And I'm kind of liking it at this point actually. But I'm hoping not to dream weird dreams tonight. I'd kind of like to just not.