So I'm at work, I'm cleaning, minding my own business, obsessing about certain events in my life that are completely beyond my control (I'm a little off topic here), when in comes this guy. He's tall, he's kind of cute in a really hungover, ought to be asleep kind of way but well dressed and whatnot. Normal. So he says "hi, I'm an over partied hotel guest" which was kind of a weird way to start a conversation but whatever. I can relate. I'm not so much with the clever conversation today either. So I ask him if it's a table for one and he says that there'll be two other gentlemen joining him shortly. Which is groovy. And then the "gentlemen" came in. With the scabs and the twitching and the sleeping in doorways (although not at that exact moment because there weren't any doorways and they were awake but whatever - it's my story so shut up) and the really oversized football team jackets that were really cool in 1992. Did I mention the scabs? Because that seems like a really key element. So I figured he's still a little (by a little I mean alot) drunk from the night before and he wants to get the new year off to a good start by buying breakfast for a couple of homeless guys which is kind of nice. Who doesn't like a philanthropist?
And then they all sit down. Which is just great. And the normal looking guy takes his menu but doesn't want anything to drink because he's already got his "drinks" (said in cheesy, overly dramatic voice which I guess is considered to be cool outside of junior high school in some circles) while the other two (still scabby and twitching - this would be one of those circles I guess) both decline menus as they won't be staying long. Their words, not mine. Although I didn't really mind hearing it (because I'm a jerk). So I'm cleaning again. Cleaning is fun. If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean. Say it again sista'.
At which point the guy formerly known as the normal guy starts getting really hostile and beligerent, harassing the other two to eat something (why this is such a big deal I don't know). So they start to talk about it a little and then the freaky pervert (we'll get to that part later) says "Whatever. Eat something or not. But I'm not paying." in a really loud, really mean voice. Which is a little weird and completely blows my idea of him being on some kind of buying breakfast for the needy kick. So the twitchy guys get up and say to him "Why don't we just wait for you in your room and you can meet us up there? Or could you just get food sent up?" At which point the freaky pervert guy lunges out of his seat, storms past the twitchy guys and says "Come on, we're going up right now." marches over to the door, turns around and says in this really creepy, menacing type voice, "I said NOW." Looks at me and says "we'll be back in a couple of hours" and gets into the elevator, his little friends twitching along behind him.
So I, being the inquisitive creature that I am (I blame years of reading my mom's copy of the Enquirer every week. I'd blame Jerry Springer but I don't have cable) go over to the front desk to ask about this guy who started off so normally and ended up creeping me right out in the span of about 10 minutes and it turns out that he's been there for a couple of nights already and every night (and apparently sometimes in the morning) he takes different scabby, twitchy crackheads up to his room for 2 or 3 hours of "do not disturb" time. The night before it was a couple of the really sad, zombie like junkie chicks that hang out outside 7-11 stumbling around talking to themselves and this morning the guys. On an even sadder note, he's married and his wife keeps calling the hotel, trying to get in touch with him. Remind me never to get married again. My creep radar is obviously faulty.
Sadly, they didn't come back down in couple of hours for breakfast. And let me tell you, they were missed. But I'm sure a part of them still lingers in the hotel. Thank god I'm not a chambermaid.
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