Drunken Duncan

Well, here I am in Drunken Duncan. I have to say this is not my best year. Thank god it'll be over in a few weeks! I'm not really big on the whole New Years resolution thing (I kind of figure you should just do what you have to do whenever it is that you have to do and not make a really big deal out of it) but I think this year I'm going to try it out. Not resolutions per se but goals. Because you've gotta have goals. Right? Right. Okay. Goals. So here's what I'm thinking thus far...

1. Find a job you bum! Yes. A job. A real job. Not a "I have a really great degree and I work at Starbucks job." Because that would be just too depressing.

2. Straighten things out with the student loans. This is number 2 on the list because it's execution sort of depends on number one. Let's not talk about it anymore.

3. Get an apartment. I love my momma and Fred and it's actually good being here but...Duncan. Seriously. Have any of you BEEN to Duncan? It's alright to drive through (you just close your eyes and you're through in a second and if you've got the muchies they've got like, 50 fast food restaurants in a 3 block span of the highway) but to actually stop! And then stay here?! Not so much. And I'm trapped. No car, no escape. Very sad state of affairs. Thank god my parents have about 100 channels!

4. Get a car. This is a biggie because really, where am I going to get the money for a car that'll last for more than 5 minutes? But whatever. It's a goal. And it's mine. They should really make disposable cars. Cars with a road life of say, 1,000km or something and a max speed of like, 80km/hour that cost $200. It'd be great. It could tide you over until you could buy a real car! And you wouldn't have to worry about some hick with a 1982 Buick with double wide doors (each a different colour - one of the colours preferrably being primer) and 6 cats and a fat baby in the backseat with a runny nose and a fist full of candy and a dozen dings and dents in various locations (on the car, not the baby) crashing into it with their Wal-Mart cart and then smashing the side with their giant door. Yep. I've been in Duncan too long already. Could you tell?

5. Get rid of my giant ass. Well, maybe not all of it because then I'd have no ass at all and that seems a little too far in the other direction. But, I could do to lose a good portion of it. A hefty portion if you will. Tee hee. Whatever. This shouldn't be too hard to do since I can't leave Lilo alone in the apartment so if I go out, she goes out with me and she's not allowed into any places where they sell food...no problem. We'll be cruising the streets of downtown Duncan Lilo and me. Non-stop excitment I tell you. Non-f*#&ing stop. :-)

So those are my resolutions. Fancy aren't they? I know, pretty standard and not at all up to my usual par but hey, they're mine. I should add stop smoking to the list just to round out the cliches. Of course I don't actually smoke to begin with so I guess that would be cheating.