Sad I Am.

As most of you know my grandfather has been really sick the past few months and today he finally passed away. I don't mean finally as in woo hoo it's about time don't let the door hit your ass on the way out, I just mean that he's been sick for so long and just getting worse and worse that it's a blessing for him to have finally been able to let go. He died peacefully, surrounded by his family and I guess that's the best you can hope for.

As for me, I'm sad obviously because nobody likes to watch someone they've loved die, but most of my sadness is for his wife. We haven't always gotten along (okay, really it would be closer to the truth to say that we've almost never gotten along until very recently) but this is the second husband she's had to watch die and I can't even imagine what that must be like. Regardless of how I've felt about her over the years she loved my grandfather very much and he loved her and they made each other as happy as any two people could. And that's something special.

The worst thing for me personally is having to go through it alone. I mean, I have my family and my friends which is great (that's a sincere great, not a "great" great) but I miss having someone around to give me snuggles and kisses when I'm sad. It's been a long time since I had to go through something like this without a boy and it's remarkably hard. I know I've probably set back the whole women's movement about 20 years with that remark but it's true. I've never been without someone to lean on in this kind of situation and it sucks ass. Men are good for more than one thing, who knew?! Kidding. I'm not that bitter yet. Give me time to really grow into it. :-)